The Gleek Shall Inherit the Earth
by Della19
Summary: A Glee AU where Kurt and the ND gang are all superheroes and Blaine is totally his gay Lois Lane to his gay-Superman; "Seriously Puck stop calling me that!". Kurt/Blaine centric.
1. Chapter 1

The Gleek Shall Inherit the Earth

Pairings: Blaine/Kurt (centric); side pairings of Rachel/Finn, Quinn/Sam, Brittney/Santana, Puck/Lauren

Prologue

_I mean, first of all, let me say whichever superhero first came up with the idea of wearing a cape, he wasn't really onto anything good. The number of times I'm treading on that damn thing or I throw a punch and it ends up covering my whole head. It's really not practical - Christian Bale_

See, the thing is, these stories usually start with someone's angsty monologue about how all they ever wanted to be was normal. Something deep and soulful and bitterly ironic, because it's such a small, _human_ thing to want and yet the emotionally tortured protagonist will never be able to achieve it.

These stories were clearly never about Kurt Hummel.

Normal is pretty much the opposite of what he wants to be; he's always been to fabulous for plain normalcy. Sure, part of it is because he is totally, 100% Gay (with a capital G); he lives in San Francisco, he wears leather thigh highs and thigh length sweaters and he has fag hags that love him and a couple of really gorgeous ex's that boost his self-esteem. But it's also because he knows that he has the potential to really be someone, whether it's a top fashion designer or a star on Broadway or a fabulously hot gay singer like George Michael (and really, after seeing Wham Kurt's a bit disappointed in humanity at large that they ever thought that guy was straight because _really_).

And it isn't just a wish for him; a teenage dream of being famous before he grows up and becomes an accountant or something equally as dull, he _knows_ it. He can feel, in every inch of his being that he is destined for something great, something more.

Somehow though, superhero never occurred to him.

A/N: I have no idea where this idea came from. Like seriously, no idea. My mind is a scary place and I'm going to share it with all of you. Enjoy.


	2. Chapter 1: Why Kurt Hates Tuesdays

Chapter 1: Why Kurt Hates Tuesdays

Disclaimer: I do not Glee. I am only borrowing the characters, and promise to return them in (mostly) pristine condition.

"The fundament of a superhero is the guy in tights saving innocent people from bad things. It's amazing how infrequently that seems to happen in superhero comics these days."— Frank Miller

The world as Kurt knows it ends on a Tuesday, which is kind of sad because Kurt has always liked Tuesdays (almost a whole week ahead of you, but without the gloom of Monday, but he digresses). And it isn't one of those, "when he woke up, he had no idea that this day was going to change him forever" things that comic book writers seem to prefer, because for Kurt, the fact that today was going to change everything was pretty much evident the second he woke up (from an excellent dream involving a shirtless George Clooney).

Four feet above his bed.

Later, he'll deny that the scream that he let out, but in an extremely fleeting moment of self honesty brought on likely by shock, Kurt will freely admit that he did scream, like a little girl, and then promptly plummeted back into the bed. Which in turn broke, like it was made of balsa wood and held together by Elmer's glue, with actual wood shards flying across him room to land on his beanbag chair and a cloud of sawdust floating up around him.

Nothing happens for a moment, and the silence is almost oppressive, where Kurt's mind tries desperately to process what the fuck just happened. "Does Not Compute" is pretty much the only thing that Kurt's brain can come up with because what the fuck he was floating and oh my god he's floating again and what the hell is happening to him!

This of course (because the universe hates him) is the scene that his father bursts in on; bed smashed to a million pieces and Kurt floating (floating! What the fuck!) in the middle of the room with what he is sure is a terrified look on his face. Burt, to his credit (and Kurt thinks he might deserve a medal for this) simply, after a moment where his eyes get really wide, steps slowly into the room and says with a steady voice, "Kurt, do you think you can come down?"

It's probably the surrealism of the moment more than anything else that gives him the will to come down; he takes that one moment of complete bizarre calmness and concentrates; thinks _down_, and then just for good measure, _please, please down_. And since apparently mind numbing panic and flying don't mix apparently he actually does manage to come down (the landing is a bit shaky but Kurt isn't going to dwell on that). It takes him a second for the fact that he's back on land to actually set in, and once it finally does he finds himself unable to do more than stare at his father, who in turn is staring back at him, eyes almost impossibly wide now.

"Dad…" he starts and then stops helplessly, because he has no idea what to say, hell what to think next. But his father, his amazing father seems to know as he simply opens his arms.

"It's going to be ok. We'll figure this out," his father says, in that same tone that he'd used, when after weeks of trying to work up enough courage to tell his father he was gay he'd just blurted it out and his father had told him, "I've known since you were three," as if it wasn't a big deal, because Kurt was his son and no matter what happened nothing was going to change that. And Kurt can't help but throw himself into his father's open arms and sob, because he woke up flying and his father still accepts him and as he feels his father's arms wrap around him he knows how lucky he is.

Kurt, like any other person with a pulse, realizes he implied jinx that accompanies the phrases "a least it can't get any worse." It's like a dare to the cosmos to screw you even further and because fate is a nasty bitch, you usually end up getting what you wish. But he's had a bit (understatement of the century) of a shock this morning, and so after he and his father have a very awkward conversation along the lines of "so flying…how long has that been going on?" like a moron Kurt makes the mistake of thinking, 'at least it can't get any worse.'

And then he goes into the garage to help his father and yeah.

It gets worse.

See the things is, although Kurt is pretty much a walking gay cliché and totally fine with that, he's also Burt Hummel's son, and so he also loves cars. Specifically, he loves fixing cars. It's the only activity where he will voluntarily mar his skin with something as heinous as grease or oil, and there's just something therapeutic about fixing cars. Kurt thinks it's because cars make sense; there is a specific problem and a specific way to fix it, and that kind of certainty can be comforting, especially since life isn't like that.

Needless to say, with the morning he's had so far, a little bit of certainty is something that he needs desperately right now, and so he goes into the garage to help his father fix one of the cars that came in yesterday. The car is gorgeous; a little yellow corvette convertible that he's definitely going to look into getting once he's rich and famous, but there is something wrong with the under carriage and that's how it ends up on the lift with his father and him under it. Everything is wonderfully, wonderfully normal for a while; his father and he scouring the undercarriage for the problem, and the painful normalcy is like balm for his soul.

Naturally though, because on the off chance there is a god, He hates him, it's then when everything that goes to hell.

It happens in a split second; one second he's just looking at his father and then there's this horrible sound, a screech of metal and in that second he realizes that the lift has crumpled and the car is coming down and all he can think is, please, not his father and then….

Nothing.

There's no pain, no blackness, no scream from his father, just the slightest weight on his arms. And then he looks at his father who is staring at him with eyes so wide their nearly saucers and he realizes why they aren't dead.

He's holding the car up.

Holding. The. Car. Up.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck!

"Kurt you need to calm down," his father says in that too calm tone and Kurt is almost unaware of what his father is talking about until he realizes that he's breathing to fast, nearly hyperventilating and the car is wobbling ominously in his arms.

"Deep breaths," Burt says calmly as he slowly slides backwards, out of the way of the car. "Can you put it down son?" He asks, and then, as an afterthought, "Gently, if possible. It might be hard to explain the damage to the owner."

It manages to surprise a laugh out of him, and riding on that feeling he pulls his thoughts away from the sense of rising hysteria that has been threatening to overwhelm him he marshals his concentration and manages to bring the car down to the ground (gently even). Once the car is on the ground his father comes closer slowly, his arms outstretched again, and although there is nothing that Kurt would rather do than burry himself in his father's arms, Kurt shakes his head viciously.

"I can't dad. I don't know how strong I am; I might crush you."

Burt looks wounded for a second before he nods and lowers his arms, jams his hands in his pockets in a move that Kurt knows indicates frustration. "Son…" Burt starts, and then trails off, and Kurt can't help but know how he feels because hey, four hours into the most surreal day of his existence and he's discovered three things: his skin is practically invulnerable (his hand went through the undercarriage-oops-and there isn't a scratch on it), he's freakishly strong, and he woke up floating this morning. Kurt suddenly has the strongest urge to ask his father if he's hiding a spaceship in the storm cellar (not that they have a storm cellar but, _you know_).

"We'll be ok," is what Kurt says to his father instead, even as his mind whispers all the ways that they might not be, and it's not really a question but not really a statement either. It just simply is, because he and his father always have been, and Burt nods in response, before saying, his tone absolute, almost daring anyone to say otherwise, "Of course we will."

The rest of the day is surprisingly quiet; after the incident with the car Kurt decides it might be best if he just goes inside and does something innocent like sit his hands, and his father stays in the garage and cleans up the damage that has occurred. The exceedingly hot guy that Kurt has been flirting with for a week and a half at school calls asking him out and Kurt, almost on autopilot, tells him that he's sick but that if he can wait he'll make it worth his while and then hangs up before he can get caught up in all the new reasons why that might not be possible. Dinner is a quiet affair as well; Kurt makes vegetarian pasta and says nothing when he accidently sticks his hand on a red hot burner and his skin doesn't burn. After dinner Kurt reads the new Vogue while his father watches football and they both, just for a moment, try to ignore the brand new elephant in the room. Kurt knows it probably isn't the healthiest way to deal with it, but right now he just wants to get through today without any more surprises and so right now, this works for him.

Naturally though, because someone, somewhere clearly hates him, he doesn't end up getting his wish. The whole swimming in denial thing works really well until almost quarter to midnight (still fucking Tuesday) when Kurt is in his pyjamas but has just started his skincare regime (it's a time intensive process) when he hears footsteps downstairs. And not his father's, 'I'm being sneaky and going for that last slice of cheesecake,' footsteps that Kurt always pretends that he doesn't hear, but loud, heavy, steel toed boot (he knows his footwear) footsteps that he's pretty sure belong to very big guys.

He's only got about a second to process that before his door is kicked off its hinges and his room is flooded with people. Really, really large people decked out like G.I Joe's on steroids wearing massive steel toed boots (he said he knew his footwear) and all holding guns. Really, really large guns. His father flies in only a second later, his robe hurriedly fastened and his shotgun cocked at the only guy that doesn't seem to have a gun (and who, Kurt notices rather slowly, not only is a great deal smaller than the other guys but is also using way too much gel in his hair).

"I'd really like to know," his father says as intimidatingly as he can manage (Kurt appreciates the effort but it's totally a lost cause because these guys look like they eat scary for breakfast and laugh at fear), "What the hell you are all doing in my house!"

Gel guy turns slowly towards his father at that and says, in a calm, reassuring voice, "We aren't here to hurt you or your son Mr. Hummel."

His father is unmoved by that, but despite the surrealism of this little drama in front of him Kurt tunes it all out for a second so he can think. He's about a buck twenty when he's soaking wet, totally unarmed (and let's not forget flamingly gay) and although his father is the one who has the shotgun pointed at the skinny guy surrounded by the army of seriously butch guys with guns, said guys eyes never leave him. Therefore, Kurt figures it isn't a huge intuitive leap to guess that these guys know what he can do (which, when he thinks about it later will be impressive because about 14 hours sooner and they would have known about it before him); it also isn't a huge leap to guess that these guys are military (because hello, they're built like tanks, armed to the teeth and look like they haven't laughed in years).

"You're here to take me somewhere, aren't you?" He says slowly, and at any other time it might be funny to watch the way how all the eyes focus on him like they've just realized he can speak, but it isn't and so he continues, "Some facility right?"

"Yes. But…" the skinny guy says, but Kurt cuts him off before he can continue.

"Can wherever you're going to take me help me?" He asks, voice admirably level, and he directs the question to the guy his father is pointing the gun at (because he seems to be in charge and he figures that, out of all of them, this guy has the best motivation not to lie).

"We'll try," the guy says earnestly, and raises his hands in the universal 'I am not a threat please don't break me' motion. "I can't make any promises that we'll figure out the cause, but I promise that we'll do everything we can to help you manage this."

Kurt appreciates the honesty; a solid "yes we will save you and without us you will die" he probably wouldn't have believed, but this he does. And the truth is, he does need someone's help; his dad might have been all be needed to deal with the being gay thing, but he thinks that this is beyond even his father's skills (impressive as they are). He's terrified of spending his whole life as some crazy lab experiment or accidentally hurting someone; of hugging his father and breaking his spine by accident and he needs someone to teach him how to manage that. And yes, it's possible that these guys might not be his best option, but right now they're the only one he's got and so beggars can't be choosers.

"I'll go with you," he tells the skinny guy, and ignores the sound of protest that his father makes, "but you have to promise me that you'll leave my father out of this."

"Kurt," his father protests, and Kurt turns to look at him, before speaking. "No dad. I need help, and if these guys can help me then this is what's best."

His father makes another gesture of protest, and Kurt smiles sadly before he draws up all of the bravery he can muster and says, "I'll be ok, dad. I always am."

His father scowls furiously for a moment before he slowly lowers the gun, and looks Kurt directly in the eye. "I trust you, son" he says, and then, for what Kurt is pretty sure is just effect (because these guys make The Rock look like a four foot tall skinny weakling) glares at the military guys for a moment.

Kurt is brought back into the moment by the skinny guy with too much gel in his hair as he moves closer and nods to two of the Hulk's discreetly and says, "Look, I'm really sorry about this." Kurt's confused for about a second and a half until he notices that one Hulk has moved to block his father and that the nearest hulk has pulled out a white cloth, and then there is pressure as it's moved (relatively) gently across his mouth and nose.

Then everything fades to blackness.

A/N: Dun, dun, dun…Next up, Chapter 2: Camp "The Government Just Kidnapped Me," where we meet the rest of the super powered gleeks and form the team (where the real fun begins). Also, apologies all around as this story is going to take forever because I'm doing MCAT prep, but I'll try to keep posting stuff. As always, reviews and constructive criticism are welcome.


	3. Chapter 2: The Government Kidnapped Me

Chapter 2: Welcome to Camp "The Government Just Kidnapped Me"

Edna: It will be bold! Dramatic!

Bob: Yeah!

Edna: Heroic!

Bob: Yeah. Something classic, like, like Dynaguy. Oh, he had a great look! Oh, the cape and the boots...

Edna: [throws a wadded ball of paper at Bob's head] No capes!

Bob: Isn't that my decision?

Edna: Do you remember Thunderhead? Tall, storm powers? Nice man, good with kids.

Bob: Listen, E...

Edna: November 15th of '58! All was well, another day saved, when... his cape snagged on a missile fin!

Bob: Thunderhead was not the brightest bulb...

Edna: Stratogale! April 23rd, '57! Cape caught in a jet turbine!

Bob: E, you can't generalize about these things...

Edna: Metaman, express elevator! Dynaguy, snagged on takeoff! Splashdown, sucked into a vortex!

Edna: [shouts] No capes!

Edna and Bob: The Incredibles

When he awakens, Kurt is aware of three things immediately:

His mouth tastes like he's been sucking pennies.

His head is killing him.

There's an African-American girl in a white tank top and white track pants staring at him warily from across what is quite probably a cell.

He tries to sit up and focus, but his head feels fuzzy and his vision blurs dangerously, and so he abandons that plan for the moment in favour of lying exactly where he is like a dead man. After a moment of fervently wishing he was dead, he chances turning his head to look at the room that he's in and yep, it's definitely a cell (albeit, a relatively nice one; not that he knows much about prison; orange does not complement his skin tone). White walls, two small efficient cots, a small table and a lamp, a mirror, a white metal door and a girl that is in the corner, her stance wary but not defensive. She's pretty; a little bit heavy set but a lovely face that he thinks that if he had any interest in ladyparts (and thanks to a really awkward week in nine grade he knows he doesn't-penis all the way) he'd definitely try his luck. She stares back at him, her gaze searching but not aggressive, and as his mind clears a bit more he realizes that there's a good chance that she's here for the same reason he is.

It's a desperately appealing thought (he'd give anything to not have to go through whatever the hell is happening to him alone), and so after another moment of just staring at each other he figures he should try to break the ice. "Hi," he tries to say to the girl, but his voice is so dry he's pretty sure it comes out as more of a really unattractive croaking sound. Somehow though it seems to make him pathetic enough sounding that it eases the girl's nerves as she smiles a bit and grabs the glass of water and the aspirin that are sitting on the table beside the bed he is lying on and brings them over to him.

"Chloroform." She says quietly, as she gently tilts his head up so he can take a sip of water. "The headache is bad but the taste is worst."

"They got you too, huh?" He manages after another sip of water, and he's pleased to note that although his voice still sounds a bit like sandpaper at least it's understandable.

"Yeah," she says quietly, and then in front of his eyes she seems to gather her bravado as she holds out her hand to him and says, her voice a great deal stronger, "Mercedes Jones. Recently in possession of the ability of flight, invulnerability and empathy."

The relief he feels is almost overwhelming; even more so than when his father accepted him as gay, and it nearly makes him breathless because Gaga, he isn't the only one. He takes her hand into his own and they both ignore that both of their hands are shaking as he says, "Kurt Hummel. Flight, invulnerability and super strength."

"Lucky," she says and he can see the relief in her eyes as well. "All I got was empathy, and boy, I have enough trouble dealing with my own feelings to worry about other peoples." And then she smiles, a real one this time that is so bright that Kurt can't help but brighten a bit in response. "I mean really, do I look like Dr. Phil to you white boy?"

He puts on what he hopes is a friendly smirk (and not a chloroform induced grimace) in response, and the gesture must come through because Mercedes smiles at him in return, the twist of the smile just so to make it sharp but soft enough that it's still friendly.

After a moment she sits on the side of his bed and asks, "Do you want to try and sit up now?" And then she continues (likely in response to what he imagines is a look of terror on his face at the idea), "It hits you hard when you wake up, but it wears off quick. I'll give you a hand."

Despite serious misgivings at even the thought of the idea, he takes the hand she is offering and let's himself be gingerly pulled up. Thankfully it turns out that Mercedes is right about the effects wearing off quickly, as he no longer feels the urgent need to throw up. After a moment where he's sure that the dizziness is gone, he chances a look at the mirror to see if there is any damage, and at the site he can't help but let out, an extremely indignant exclamation. "Those bitches! Look what they did to my hair! And my skin! It's going to take me days to get it back to its previous level of perfection!"

His outrage is completely real, but it turns out to be exactly what they need to that that last lingering ounce of tension out of the room as suddenly Mercedes is laughing; a huge, bellowing sound and Kurt can't help but join in and laughs until he's nearly gasping for breath, until he almost forgets that he's in a government cell. However he's brought back into reality rapidly as a female voice screams out, from must be the cell next to them, "You sons of bitches let me go!"

The voice is tinged with a Latino flavour, and severely pissed off, but it isn't the voice that gets his attention so much as the responding bang that can only be a cell door flying off its hinges.

"What the…" Mercedes starts, but she trails off as a loud creaking sound echoes and the door to their cell door swings open remotely. Kurt chances a look at Mercedes before they both turn to the open door, considering whether or not it's a trick of some kind. After a moment where nothing happens, he takes Mercedes unresisting hand within his own and they both make their way over to the door so they can look out.

Kurt's a bit surprised to see that instead of the long hallway that he was imagining based on his (admittedly poor) knowledge of prisons, the room they are looking out into is actually roundish and very large, painted beige (his designer mind insists it's a soothing colour) with couches and tables and a TV. Around the border of the room are several other cells, their doors all open as well, and from his position at his own door he can see that at all of the doors except one there are girls and boys about their age peering out just as they are. The one door that is different is the one beside his own, in that is no longer on its hinges but is instead several feet into the room, and almost half melted.

The question of how the door ended up half melted (and a bit singed too) is answered almost before it can even be asked as a Latino girl, about his age flies out of the room, her hands on fire (holly fuck!), a seriously pissed off expression on her face. She's followed, almost sedately in comparison, by a pretty blond with a bit a sleepy look in her eyes, who looks around curiously.

His attention is drawn back to the Latino who, after angling her body in front of the blond like a shield, shouts (and as she does he can't help but notice that the flames on her hands-seriously her hands!-gets more intense), "Where are you, you lousy sons of bitches? You afraid of us? Come down and fight me face to face you cowards!"

Kurt can't help but wonder the same thing, because he's a little curious on how they got from "we won't hurt you" to "we're going to lock you in cells", but the Latino girl's threat is definitely offset by the fact that right after she finishes speaking the blonde seems to notice that there's a TV in the room and makes a beeline for it, jumping on the couch like a kid and smiling back at the Latino girl.

"Do you think they have Treehouse, Santana? You could be Dora and I'll be Boots!" She says, and Kurt can't help but feel a bit nervous at the look that is implied (because if he's reading this right than childhoods all over the world are being sullied). The Latino girl-Santana-plants her face in her (still on fire) palm for a moment, clearly trying for patience, before she responds, her voice noticeably less pissed than it was before, "Brit, we're not supposed to play nice with the guys who kidnapped us. Sometimes I don't know what I'm going to do with you."

"Coach Sylvester says you should flirt with your enemies and make them like you, and then leave a nest of bees on their pillow while they're sleeping," the blonde says, her voice completely serious despite the insanity of her statement, and then like some small animal with ADD she abruptly turns her head towards Kurt and says, "I'm Britney. I blow rainbows!" And then her nose scrunches a bit, "And I can't count."

There a moment of utter silence, so stunned that even if there had been a cricket that would have been able to get into a secure government facility he's pretty sure that even it would be quiet at the blonde's cheerful prediction. However it seems to be just the push the rest of them need as the rest of the girls and boys need as they start to come out of their cells and into the main area. After a bemused look a Mercedes, Kurt does the same, and Mercedes, still holding his hand, follows, moving into the room so that he can meet eyes with the blond.

"That's…lovely, Boo." He finally settles on, because although she seems dumber than a sack of hammers she seems nice, and in this particular situation, a little bit of (even delusional) optimism can only be a good thing.

"I know! Want to see?" She says with a mile wide smile, and then before he even has a chance to formulate a response she turns towards the other side of the room and opens her mouth and Kurt just watches as a blast of rainbow coloured air shoots out of her mouth and sends the incredibly tall guy, the guy with the Mohawk and the guy with the terrible blonde dye job flying off their feet and right into the wall.

And oh. Ok. So she can _blow rainbows_.

Part if his brain can't help but think that there's a gay pride metaphor in there somewhere; whereas the other part, the part that still shares XY sensibilities, can't help but think;

_Cool._

Mercedes lets out a laugh at the sight of the three testosterone filled straight guys (the guy with the dye job is dinging his gaydar a bit but he's going to reserve judgement) trying to pick themselves off the floor with dignity after having their asses handed to them by a tiny blond (it doesn't work and even Kurt has to admit that its hilarious). The Mohawk guy, once he's back on his feet, turns to the blond and says, a smirk on his face, "Brit we know you love to…blow, but not cool. Let's stick to the other kind of blowing ok?"

The tall guy stares confusedly at Mohawk guy, while Santana smirks wickedly and a bit meanly before she throws a fireball at his head. The blonde guy, clearly smarter than the dumb hair would suggest however picks up on something that's just occurring to Kurt as well, as he turns to the Mohawk guy and asks, "So you guys know each other? I mean, from before here?"

Santana smirks at the blond, a look that both manages to proposition and insult (Kurt's kind of jealous; his bitchface is legendary but Santana has skills), before she says, in a proclamation to the whole room, "Yeah. Frankenteen, Puck, Queen Quinn, Manhands, Brit and I all go to the same lame ass high school in Lima, Ohio."

"Hey!" The really tall guy says in protest a moment later (Kurt will admit that he's not bad looking, but it's ruined by the fact that he's about as slow as a turtle going uphill), "Don't talk to Rachel and me like that!"

And then, after a fierce glare from the blond Santana called Quinn he immediately turns his eyes from the girl who must be Rachel, a brunette with a Barbra Streisand nose who's looking at him like he hung the world, back to Santana and says, a bit meekly, "And Quinn." And Kurt can't help but smirk a bit at the less than subtle demonstration of the leash being tightened (another reason why guys are so much better than girls in his opinion).

Santana smirks in response, the satisfied look of someone who knows exactly how to raise hell and enjoys every second of it, before she pins her gaze on dye boy and asks, "And how about you trout mouth? What's your story?"

Before bottle blondy has a chance to reply, the guy with the Mohawk-Puck, apparently (it must be a nickname because Kurt seriously doubts this guy is a Shakespeare fan) - interjects loudly, "What are we, doing show and tell now?"

He gets a glare that would stop a rhino at 30 paces (Kurt's thinking of asking for tips because she's got real talent) from Santana before she says dismissively, "Can it Puckerman. We might as well know what we can all do; might help us get out."

And then smiles insultingly, "I'll even go first if you can't understand it. I'm Santana Lopez, I'm 16 and I'm a Cheerio. I can fly, I've got unbreakable skin, and I can create fire. You already know what Britney can do; she's a Cheerio too. See how easy that was?" She says with a smirk, and then she gestures imperiously before she demands, "Continue blondy."

The blonde guy, clearly familiar with the ways of crazy woman just shrugs in acquiescence before he says to the room at large, "Sam Evans. I'm 16, surfer from Hawaii. And yesterday I woke up able to fly, not get cut or burnt and create and control water."

"Wanky," Santana purrs, and at the blush that creeps up Sam's face Kurt thinks nope, definitely straight (to bad too, because Kurt bets he's got serious abs under that jumpsuit). Santana, after one more heated look then turns her attention to the boy in the wheelchair and gestures impatiently with her hand for him to go, as if his silence is personally offending her.

In response the guy adjusts his glasses with one of his hands before he says, "Artie Abrams. 16, amateur DJ from New York. I've got flight and unbreakable skin too…and I can read minds."

There's a moment of silence where everyone tries to clear their thoughts (not a hard ship for the tall guy or Britney Kurt imagines), and then Artie smirks a bit ruefully and then he turns towards the tall guy and says, "And yes Finn, I know all about your sex thoughts already, so you can stop singing 'the song that never ends.' Points for imagination though."

The tall guy-Finn-blushes bright red, and in returns gets another death girl from Quinn. Quinn then turns her glare to the couch and a pillow rises up off the couch by itself and smacks Finn in the back of the head, to which Kurt can't help but smirk at. Quinn then turns to the room regally (Kurt's beginning to think that Santana wasn't just being sarcastic about that whole "Queen Quinn" thing; they had girls like this in San Fran too) and announces, her voice deliberately smooth, "I'm Quinn Fabray," and then she takes Finn's hand in hers in a gesture that could be best described as ownership, "and this is my boyfriend Finn Hudson. We're both sixteen and from Lima; I'm head of the Cheerios and President of the celibacy club and Finn is the quarterback."

Kurt has to physically retrain from rolling his eyes as she pauses for effect and admiration; Santana clearly lacks his self-control as she snorts dismissively and makes another impatient hand gesture which Quinn ignores. "We can both fly and have invulnerability; I have telekinesis and Finn shape shifts into animals."

"Really," Santana drawls suggestively, and sends a look to Finn that Kurt thinks is mostly designed to piss Quinn off than it does indicate real interest in Finn before she continues. "Bestiality isn't my kink, but I'm sure we can work something out."

Finn turns bright red and then suddenly instead of a freakishly tall teenager there is a black and white cat blinking at them. Quinn scowls fiercely at Santana in response before very reluctantly picking up Finn the cat into her arms, holding him in her arms stiffly. Rachel also glares at Santana before she clears her throat loudly, and as she does the glass vase on the table shatters. Quinn smirks at Rachel, her composure visibly strengthened by the opportunity to mock someone else. Rachel continues before Quinn can say anything, though she modulates her voice to a near whisper in an effort to avoid breaking anything else.

"I'm Rachel Berry. I'm also 16 and from Lima and I have two gay dads who are going to sue the government for this infringement of my rights." Santana and Quinn both roll their eyes at this and Kurt can't help but agree, because they're in a compound probably hidden in the middle of nowhere and he doesn't see a civil lawsuit changing that anytime soon. Before anyone can say anything though, Rachel continues, her voice still quiet, but still loud enough that they can all hear her, "Also, I'd like to take this opportunity to point out that everyone so far has been able to fly and has invulnerability, and so I don't think it would be presumptuous to imagine that we all can."

And here she pauses for a second for everyone (excluding Finn as a cat he seems to be even less observant as Finn the person) to nod in affirmation before she continues, "And so in the interest of speeding up this process, we might as well just mention the one other thing that we are unique at. In my case, I can create a sonic boom with my voice. And you?" She asks, turning her gaze to the two Asians that have been watching the whole preceding's with a look of amusement.

The guy, almost as tall as Finn when he isn't a cat looks at the girl-pretty and even in the nondescript jumpsuit they've been forced to wear (he'd kill for some color; and possibly some McQueen) she's still a bit goth with multi-colored streaks in her hair and black nail polish- for a second, but she looks a bit terrified at all the attention she's receiving and so the guy steps forward instead.

"Mike Chang. I'm sixteen, from New York. And I'm…stretchy." He says after a moment, and at the puzzled looks from the majority of the room (Finn is mostly focused on laying his cat head on Quinn's breasts) Mike elaborates by extending his arm and then it just _stretches_, like rubber, until it's almost all the way across the room, where he plucks one of the flowers from the ruin of the vase and then he reels his arm back into the right length and presents the flower to the girl beside him with a gentlemanly flourish.

The girl, clearly charmed by the gesture (so is Kurt frankly; he's a bit sad that Mike's clearly straight) smiles at him and blushes charmingly, before she gathers her courage and speaks to the room. "I'm T-Tina Cohen-Chang. I'm 16, from C-Chicago. I can turn to mist."

"Mist?" Puck asks, and Kurt judges the tone to be somewhere between sleazy and genuinely curious. Tina colors, not unattractively, before she shrugs and then simply vaporizes in front of them, until she's just the faintest pink mist, who moves _through_ Mike before she condenses on the other side. Puck still looks confused at the display, while Artie and Mike are both looking at Tina with a look that is a bit more than academic appreciation (he's not going to go there).

Britney however is the one that seems to be most confused, as she's staring at both of them with a level of attention that most people apply to advanced theoretical physics. After a second she finally says, "So are you two brother and sister? Does that mean if you have babies with each other they'd be their own cousins?"

Tina and Mike both turn bright red while Santana simply smiles at Britney with a look of affectionate exasperation (Kurt's going to look into that relationship later because if there's nothing there then he's straight). After a second of fierce spluttering Tina manages to declare loudly and with some vehemence, "We're not r-related…and if we were, why would w-we...you know! Ick!"

Puck smirks in response before he announces to the room, "Brit doesn't get some complicated stuff. Like incest and you know, two plus two." He smirks, a look so dirty that Kurt wants a shower and it isn't even directed at him, and then, "She is great at some other things though."

Santana sends him a look that might actually set him on fire without any fire from her hands, but Britney just smiles like a great compliment has been paid to her. Puck smirks again, before he swaggers forward a bit and says loudly, "Not that I endorse this touchy feely shit, but if I don't I'll never into Santana's pants again so I guess I'll do it. I'm Noah Puckerman; Puck to anyone who doesn't want to get their faces bashed in. I'm a football player, and I can control metal. So keep your eyes on your change."

At that, the girl standing beside Puck scoffs dismissively and cracks her fingers in a way that even Kurt, with his new sense of unbreakableness thinks is a bit intimidating. She moves towards Puck a bit, and uses her size (not all that tall but she's got serious mass and a lot of its muscle) to crowd into Puck's space. "I'm Lauren Zizes. I'm a wrester from New Jersey and I can shoot laser beams out of my eyes. You wanna mess with me little man?"

Mercedes snorts beside him at the display, and Kurt imagines that she's getting a full blast of the less than intimated feelings that Puck seems to be feeling (if the slightly starstruck look on his face is any indication). Mercedes takes that opportunity to take her turn, as clears her throat to gain the attention of the room before she says, "I'm Mercedes Jones. I'm from Washington, DC and when I'm not stuck in this jumpsuit I'm a fashionista. I've got empathy." And then because Mercedes has clearly picked up on the fact that not everyone here is the brightest bulb in the box she says, "I feel what other people feel."

Puck, who is still looking at Lauren with a look of awe, takes a moment to shoot a relatively unimpressed look at that. Mercedes in response simply smiles once, almost evilly and then suddenly Puck is crying his eyes out like a little girl at absolutely nothing while everyone stares on in confusion and amusement.

After a moment Mercedes relents and turns to the room with a look. "I can also make other people feel whatever I want. Anyone else?" She asks, and the men of the room give fervent shakes of their heads negatively while the girls smirk on in amusement. Puck, in an attempt to regain some of his seriously lost dignity by diverting the attention off himself takes the opportunity to turn his attention to Kurt as he demands, a bit sullenly, "And what about you Princess? Magic sparkly skin, killer nails?"

He refrains, very manfully in his opinion, from giving Puck the finger, and instead turns to the rest of the room before he speaks. "I'm Kurt Hummel. I'm 16, from San Fran and yes I am gay. And I've got super strength, so if anyone has a problem with that, then I guess I've got the muscle to help change your opinion."

The rest of the room shakes their heads in denial, which Kurt appreciates because although he supposes he probably could bang a few heads together now, he really doesn't want to have to. Puck, on the other hand smirks, before he says (in what Kurt is sure still another attempt to regain his lost dignity), "So that makes you what; Gay-Superman?"

This time Kurt gives into temptation and does flip Puck the bird, but his attention is quickly diverted by a yelp from Quinn, prompted by the fact that Finn has apparently decided that this is the best time to revert back into human form and is now laying on Quinn (who buckled under Finn's weight and is now lying on the ground) rather inelegantly. A second later Finn flies off Quinn, all long arms and legs and lands a few feet away awkwardly. Quinn sends a fierce look to the room as she stands up and brushes non-existent dirt from her jumpsuit, almost daring anyone to say something.

Kurt is pretty sure that Santana would have taken the bait if not for the, distinctly familiar voice that comes from the end of the small hallway that leads into the room that they are in. "Now that you've all introduced yourselves, would you come with me?"

At that, everyone whips their heads towards the source of the voice and yep, there he is, the guy who came to his house and then freaking chloroformed him, curly gelled hair and all. "You," Santana says rather viciously in response, beating everyone else to the punch, and her hands instantly enflame again as she turns toward him and accuses harshly, "You said you weren't going to hurt us!"

"I wasn't lying," the guy says, and Kurt takes a minute to notice that he's wearing an exceptionally nerdy vest (as a fashion conscious gay male, it makes him sad). Santana continues however, her voice still severely pissed, but also tinged with more than a hint of sarcasm. "How is kidnapping us not hurting us?"

"This is the best place for you to learn how to use your abilities. We were afraid that you wouldn't would react negatively if we brought you here awake." The guy says in reply, and although Kurt is still a bit pissed about the whole chloroform thing, he does sort of see the guy's point. Before he can say anything though Rachel jumps in, her voice not as angry as Santana's (and yet somehow, more annoying). "And who said you get to be the judge on this? And for that matter, just what makes you an expert on having abilities?"

In response the guy smiles, a bit ruefully and then he simply vanishes from sight. There's a moment of stunned silence in which everyone tries to process the new information, which is broken by Puck's loud exclamation of, "Motherfucker!" and Kurt turns towards him in time to see him jump about a foot in the air. Before anyone has time to ask Puck to explain, the guy in the vest reappears at Puck's shoulder, which pretty much answers that question.

"You're like us!" Rachel exclaims loudly, and Quinn's "no, duh," is ignored in favour of listening to the guy who says, "My name is Will Schuester-you can call me Mr. Schue- and in addition to flying and invulnerability I also have the ability to become invisible. My abilities developed when I was your age, so to answer your question; personal experience makes me uniquely qualified to help you guys."

And then after he's sure that that's sunken in he continues, "Now as I said before, if we've all introduced ourselves, would you all follow me?"

There's a bit of lingering resentment from Santana and, if Kurt's being honest, himself as well, but overall everyone seems to be content to forgive the guy (or at least, they're curious about where they are), and so after a minute they all follow him out of the room. Once they leave the room, they travel through a couple of hallways before they end up the middle of what seems to be a bunch of high tech labs separated by glass dividers and glass walls.

At, what Kurt imagines are the slightly afraid looks on their faces (there's a lot of labs and Kurt isn't exactly looking forward to being a lab rat) Mr. Schue says, "These are the lab where the scientists are working to try and uncover the cause of the development of our abilities. They are also responsible for designing any technology that will help you manage your abilities. They aren't going to do experiments on you guys, I promise."

It must reassure them enough for Mr. Schue (Kurt's still a bit wary about judging the truth from this guy but he'll take it), as he leads them towards a set of other rooms, that are infinitely more bizarre than the labs (one looks like a giant donut and Kurt thinks that one of them has actual machine guns posted on the walls). At the questioning looks, Mr. Schue explains, "These are the training rooms where you'll learn how manage your abilities and to work together as a team." And then he says, like this is the most important thing, "There's also a cafeteria that's open 24/7, so feel free to stop there as well."

Finn and the other (straight) guys seem sufficiently distracted by the prospect of 24 hour food, but Kurt and the girls are more concerned with the first part of the statement. Santana beats him to it though, as she asks rather scathingly, "Wait…work together? Are you planning on us being a superhero team or something?"

"That is the government's hope." Mr. Schue says earnestly, and Kurt takes that opportunity to ask what he thinks is probably one of the most pertinent questions considering that knowledge, "And what if we don't want to be part of a superhero team?"

"We won't force you to, but it isn't really that bad of a deal. If you join the team you will be paid well, and the government will do everything to make sure that you identities are kept safe. We can't guarantee that if you don't join; there are other people-much worse people-who would very much like to use people with abilities like yours." Mr. Schue replies, and there's something sad about his tone that Kurt would love to investigate further.

However he's got more pressing things to worry about, and so instead he scowls a bit at the almost blackmail implied in that statement because at the same time he also sees the validity of what Mr. Schue said, and so inside of verbally taking him apart he asks instead, "If we agree to this-the team-what would it entail? How long would we have to stay here?"

Mr. Schue seems to approve of his question though, because he nods supportively before he says, "We'd train you how to control and use your abilities in a productive way in this facility, and help you work as a team. Once you got to that stage, we'd establish a home base and let you out into the world and you'd use those skills to help people. We hope to have you back into the real world by the end of a few months-in time for you to start the new school year."

Puck, who is clearly a bit annoyed that he's not going to be missing any school for this, changes the subject by asking, a bit belligerently, "You've had abilities for like, 15 years and you still don't know what caused it?"

That question was clearly one that he was waiting for because Mr. Schue takes that opportunity to launch into an epic speech about latent genetic mutations, junk DNA, possible radiation effects, solar eclipses and a particular comet that passed overhead three days ago that may or may not be involved (complete with PowerPoint's, graphs –pie and line-and some really bizarre hand gestures that are either strange dance moves or some kind of awkward sex act).

There's a couple of moments of dead silence in which Kurt is pretty sure he can hear even that non-existent clichéd cricket's brain trying to process that before Artie starts, his voice hesitant, "So…" and he looks around for a second before continuing, "basically what you're saying is you have no idea why we're like this."

Mr. Schuster runs his hand over (but not through because Kurt thinks it might get stuck-he's just saying) his hair a bit sheepishly before he answers, "We've pretty much ruled out radioactive spider bite, but other than that, yeah, we have no idea."

Kurt chances a look around the room at everyone's faces, and then he decides he might as well voice what everyone is thinking.

"We're doomed."

The first week of training is, as he predicted, pretty much a disaster (made worst in his opinion by the fact that he has to wear this Gaga awful jumpsuit-no style at all). Santana spends the entire week trying to escape by setting pretty much everything from guards (no causalities but the scientists start carrying around portable fire extinguishers) to the cells on fire. Rachel and Lauren both are having trouble with involuntarily using their powers, which means that lasers beams and sonic booms are a pretty common occurrence and everyone starts to get a little jumpy when Rachel opens her mouth (personally Kurt thinks he will do that even after Rachel gets control because _damn_ she is annoying) and when Lauren blinks. In a training exercise with Finn, Kurt gets covered in unmentionable slime (day spa! He'd slap, like actual babies, for a day spa) because Finn gets distracted by his own tail and doesn't have his back. They all get completely covered in paint (paintball guns suck) and bruises (Mr. Schue decides that they're ready for real bullets, which on one level is cool but on the other, _ow_-his skin is never going to be the same) because they haven't got the hang of working as a team in the military training simulations.

However, after the disaster that is the first week, the next two months actually go relatively (definite key word there) smoothly, as they all finally settle into the routine that has been imposed on them of training and team building. That of course is not to stay that they still don't have their fair share of dramatic moments, because they most certainly do. Puck, in a misguided attempt to impress Lauren, spends a whole week bending the scientist's chairs so that they can't get up (Kurt advises Mr. Schue to buy plastic chairs after the fifth scientist has a panic attack; Lauren laser beams Puck's Mohawk off); Quinn and Rachel get into an epic catfight that breaks every glass partition and computer monitor in the lab (the maintenance guys still glare at her when she walks by). Quinn and Finn break up in what they insist is a mutual thing, but that Kurt is pretty sure is mostly to do with Finn spending a lot of time as a cat in Rachel's lap as she rubs his ears (and he's not touching that with an 80 foot pole because he's an open minded guy but _ick_). Artie and Mike end up in a powers-off competition to try and impress Tina, which ends up with both of them in the infirmary and Tina declaring that she's either going to become a lesbian (Santana and Britney get very scary speculative looks on their faces at that) or a nun (the looks actually get scarier there) because men are morons.

And Kurt, unfortunately, is not free from the drama, however in his own defense, he's going to blame the fact that for about a week and a half (post catfight but pre-breakup) he had a crush on Finn on Stockholm Syndrome, because there simply can't be any other reason. He's not a believer in the whole "I can totally change a guy's sexuality if I like him enough," mostly because that would make him a huge hypocrite, but also because in San Fran there was always a decent enough selection of gay guys to crush on so straight chasing wasn't something he had to do.

Here however, in "Camp Bunker Twenty miles under a mountain," he is the only gay guy and he feels homesick and Finn is nice to him and that in addition to the fact that they are totally cut off from the rest of the world leads to, hey, inappropriate straight boy crush. He spends about a week making moon eyes at Finn when he isn't looking and starts asking Mr. Schue to let them train together so that he can stare at the taller boy's muscles. It thankfully ends before most people even notice (the only one is Rachel and he's pretty sure she can't throw stones because she's totally stalking the guy too), as in their second training session together Finn (who is still having trouble maintaining the form of larger animals) reverts accidently into a kitten and then promptly horks up a hairball on Kurt's shoes and hey, bye-bye inappropriate straight boy crush.

However despite the (ok considerable) drama, all and all by the end of the summer Kurt thinks they've all actually made great progress. Lauren has managed to make sure she doesn't just shoot lasers out of her eyes when she's mad anymore, Finn can maintain any animal shape for about four hours, Rachel has stopped breaking glass every time she raises her voice to try to make a point (the maintenance guys still look at her suspiciously though; they hold a grudge) and Kurt has a better grasp on the limits if his strength; he's no longer afraid of breaking his father in half with a hug or breaking someone's hand with a handshake. And they'd gotten much better at working as a team; they took out all of the bullets before anyone could get hit in their last training exercise, and split into small teams they can all extinguish a fire or get a crash dummy out of a car within a minute and a half.

All in all, it's been really good.

Which is why he's waiting for the other shoe to drop.

It's partially because he's a cynical guy, which makes him pretty much unable to ever accept anything good at face value, but also because he's always been an observant guy, and he's been noticing things that make him wary. It's mostly things that Mr. Schue is doing; the sad look he gives to a photo he keeps in his wallet when he thinks no one is watching, the apprehensive look that he started to give them after they passed their last major team training exercise, but the other scientists are also starting to send them looks as well. By themselves they wouldn't mean anything, but together they add up, and Kurt knows that it can't mean anything good.

And then, Mr. Schue calls a meeting with everyone, where he congratulates them on their progress as a team and expresses his hope that they'll continue to rely on each other in future efforts and there's just something about his tone that is unbearably sad, yeah, Kurt gets a really bad feeling.

So in hindsight, when he wakes up tied to a chair with his head pounding, a coppery taste in his mouth and huge man with a massive semi-automatic gun standing over him, screaming at him in Spanish, it isn't really that much of a surprise.

It takes him a second to get his bearings though (because chloroform is strong stuff and this is not one of the scenarios he ever imagined awakening to), but after his head clears he immediately turns his head to see where the rest of the team is. Thankfully the whole team seems to be in the room with him, although they all appear to be similarly tied to chairs. The huge guy standing in front of him appears to loses interest in him after a second (Kurt will admit that in this case, the face that he looks about as threatening as a milk maid is probably in his favour), and Kurt takes the opportunity to try and get a better handle on the situation.

The room they're in is little more than a shack, dirt floor and shanty walls, and it's about a million degrees. Also, although the whole team is in the room, only half of them are awake at the moment though; thankfully Santana is one of the ones that are awake, and so because his Spanish is a bit rusty he turns his attention to her to see if she knows what's going on.

Santana catches his eye after a second when she's sure that none of the guys are looking at them she mouths "Colombia" and "drug cartel" and Kurt gets the gist of the situation very quickly. Santana starts to light her hands behind her back, but Kurt shakes his head minutely at her and mouths in return, "wait." Santana glares questionably him, and Kurt shoots a quick look at the guard to make sure he still isn't interested before he mouths quickly, "too much noise. Will bring the others in."

Santana scowls but she extinguishes her hands for the second, so he guesses that she agrees with him. Kurt looks around the room again and realizes that everyone is awake, and he starts to formulate a plan. After he makes eye contact with everyone, he twists his hands to indicate snapping the ropes and nods subtly at the big guy, indicating that he'll take him down, quietly. Santana nods her approval, and then she straightens up a bit more and says something that doesn't sound all that nice in Spanish to the guy with the gun. The guy advances towards Santana intimidatingly, and Kurt takes advantage of the distraction she created, snapping the ropes and coming up behind the guy before he can react. It only takes a second to take him down (the Vulcan nerve pinch isn't a real thing, but they'd found that his increased strength does actually allow him to do something similar), and Kurt grabs him as he falls, lowering him to the ground silently.

Once the guy is neutralized everyone snaps free of their own bonds or gets help from a team member (Britney and Finn has a bit of trouble getting out of theirs predictably). Once everyone is free Puck turns to the room and asks angrily, "Where the hell are we?"

"Colombia." Santana answers quietly, and then she glares at Puck. "And keep your voice down."

"What the hell are we doing in Colombia?" Puck asks, equally as angry (but much quieter) and Kurt takes that opportunity to explain what he's managed to piece together. "They put us here; it's a test, to see what we'll do in a real world situation."

"Fuckers," Santana mummers angrily and although Kurt agrees with the sentiment, it's not all that useful in getting them out of this. Also, even if Kurt agrees that leaving them here was a dick move, Kurt's pretty sure they wouldn't have just done it without a purpose, and with that thought in mind he turns to Artie (who is being supported by Finn because his wheelchair is missing) and asks, "Artie, can you hear anyone thinking in the area?"

"Yeah, there's a bunch of scared thoughts from the room next to ours; I think they're hostages. The angry thoughts are probably the guys running this show." Artie replies, and by the look on Artie's face, Kurt thinks that Artie has come to the same conclusion as he has.

Santana scowls before she interjects, whispering, "Do we really even care who else is here? We're free; we could just leave," and then she looks around the room before she says, "Get the fuck out of here and forget all about those government fuckers!"

Although Kurt appreciates the sentiment, he thinks there is a big problem that Santana is not seeing, and so he asks her quietly, "And where would we go Santana?"

"We could go home. Live our lives." She says, and this time there's an edge of desperation replacing the normally sarcastic tinge to her voice.

There is a part of him that wants desperately to say yes, to just agree and go home to his father, but there's a bigger part of him that remembers that picture in Mr. Schue's wallet of the group of people in the same lab as they were, and the sad look he gives it and so he's pretty sure that they can't go home again. He expresses that point by saying, "No we couldn't."

"Fuck you!" Santana hisses, her hands flaring angrily, and although Kurt understands her frustration and feels her anger, he also knows he is right. He turns towards Santana and say, some of his own anger seeping into his tone, "Damn it Santana, you don't think that I want to go home as much as you do?"

And then he turns to the rest of the team before he continues, "I probably want that more than any of you. I was happy before this all started and I'd give anything to have that back. But we can't! If we went back they'd find us, you know that and they'd make us come back. Or someone worse would find us, and then they'd kill our families and we wouldn't even have a home to go to."

Santana scowls fiercely in response, but he can see that she acknowledges his point. She's still frustrated though, as she sends him a look that is grudgingly accepting at best as she asks, rather waspishly, "So what do you suggest we do then Gayboy?"

Kurt decides to ignore the Gayboy in favour of trying to get his point across, as he says, "That we do what they sent us here to do. These people need someone to save them, and we can do that. We can't go home again; we might as well go forward."

Santana rolls her eyes in response before she says, her voice heavily coated with sarcasm, "Ok you walking Hallmark card. So how we do that?"

Kurt takes a second to send her his best 'bitch please face', before he turns to Artie and asks, "Artie, do you think you can you tell how many bad guys there are?"

Artie puts his hand to his forehead for a second before he answers, "Five on the west of the compound and the seven on the east side. They're thinking in Spanish though, so I can only understand a few words of it."

"Ok," Kurt replies and then after a second to think he asks, "Can you share their thoughts with Santana then, so we can least know if they're planning anything?"

"I think so," Artie replies, and then he continues after a second, "I'll just have to make sure none of mine come through."

"Like I want four eyes thoughts anyways!" Santana replies quietly, but with a relatively good amount of faux-outrage.

Kurt simply rolls his eyes warningly in Santana's direction and Santana her own back at him before letting Artie put his hands on her forehead. After a second of listening, Santana says, "The hostages are people from the next village; they took them to make their families in the coca fields work harder for less money. They're confused as to why we're here, but they don't seem to have any plan against us right now. They think we aren't a threat."

"Ok," Kurt says in response, and then when no one else comes forward with a plan, Kurt figures that it's up to him to step up. After a moment of thinking, he says, "Here's what we'll do; Tina, you Mercedes, Artie and Finn go and get the hostages: Artie, you send a telepathic message to Mr. Schue and ask him if the military will pick us up or if they want us to fly to a base somewhere. Mike, Quinn, Brittany and Santana; you guys take care of the 5 on the west, while Lauren, Sam, Puck and I go and take out the guys on the east. Once everyone is done, we'll meet up at the entrance gate, alright?"

Once everyone has nodded their approval Kurt moves to the small window beside the door and looks out to make sure the coast is clear. When he sees that it is he looks back and gives the signal for them to go, and then he and his group move out towards one side of the compound while the others go the other way. He, Puck, Lauren and Sam all creep slowly behind one of the buildings until they can see the 7 guys that Artie mentioned. They're lucky; they're all in one place having a smoking break, and so Kurt turns back towards Puck and motions to him to use his powers first on their guns. He then motions to Sam and Lauren that after the guys are disarmed the three of them will take them down.

All three of them nod in affirmation and so Kurt moves back to let Puck take position so that he can use his powers. Puck raises his hands, and then it only takes a minute before the guys guns simply fall apart, practically explode into their component parts, and in that second while the men are so stunned they can't react, they move in to disarm them. Kurt takes down two guys with a single punch and then pivots to take down a third in time to see Lauren knock out two guys in rapid succession her lasers. Sam's two guys go down choking on their own spit until they fall unconscious a second later, and it's all over.

All in all, it took them about 1 minute to take down seven massive drug dealers with huge guns and Kurt can't help but stop for a second because it's in that moment that it really hits how dangerous their abilities could really be in the wrong hands. It's a sobering thought, but he pushes it aside when Puck turns to him for instructions. He takes a second to make sure that the guys are all down for the count, and once he's sure that they aren't going to be getting up any time soon he turns to the others and gestures that they should head of the gate. Lauren, Puck and Sam all nod in response and they all make for the gate as quietly as they can, just encase there is any one still conscious.

Once they get to the gate they see that Artie, his group and the hostages, a bit confused bit alright overall, are already there, and Santana and her group are approaching from the other side. Once Santana gets to the gate she nods that they succeeded and then she turns to Artie and asks, "Did you get a hold of Mr. Schue on your brainphone?"

Artie rolls his eyes subtly and then nods before he says, "Yeah. They're already here; the army was in the next town over to make sure that everything turned out alright. Mr. Schue will be here in a moment with them to arrest the drug dealers, take the hostages home and then they'll fly us back to the facility."

In an almost ironic twist, almost the second after Artie stops speaking Mr. Schue and the massive army guys that chloroformed him show up at the end of the road leading up to the compound. It only takes him a minute to get up the road, and when he gets to them, he smiles sheepishly as he says, "Good work you guys."

Santana practically splutters with (in Kurt's opinion, completely justified) outrage at his tone, before she says angrily, "You guys are in-fucking-believable, you know that? How exactly was dropping us into a Columbian drug operation a responsible decision?"

Mr. Schue gets a look that is so miserable that Kurt can't help but realise that he's genuinely sorry, which he affirms when he says, "I'm sorry, I would have warned you if I could have, but the generals wanted it to be a surprise test." And then he smiles a bit sadly at them before he continues, voice proud but sad, "Besides, I trusted that you guys would be able to hand it; you guys are stronger than we were."

There's a second where a million thoughts rush through Kurt's head, and he thinks he finally understands that picture that Mr. Schue keeps, and his heart hurts a bit for the happy smiling kids in that picture who weren't as lucky as them. However before he has time to ask him about it Mr. Schue visibly makes himself brighten, and he continues quickly, "Now, there's a carrier plane 5 minutes down the road that will take us back to the facility. And after that, since you guys passed the last test, you can finally leave the facility and live in the world again."

At that pronouncement everyone is sufficiently distracted from the information that Mr. Schue let slip by the prospect of freedom, and so Kurt lets the matter drop for the moment (mostly because he can see how much the topic hurts Mr. Schue) in favour of simply following Mr. Schue down the road to the field where the plane is.

The plane ride in itself is an interesting affair; military planes, as they discover, don't really have seats, and so they simply all sprawl out on the floor and try to pass the time by any means they can. Puck starts trying to shape a rose out of a piece of loose metal on the floor of the plane for Lauren before Mr. Schue makes him stop because the plane is starting to rattle ominously. Quinn glares poisonously at Finn who is sitting beside Rachel (they insist they aren't a couple but Kurt thinks Rachel just likes the drama) listening to her try to explain what sounds like the latest production of Wicked (Kurt would join in if not for the fact that he'd have to listen to Rachel) and Santana and Britney are just making out in their corner of the plane while the straight boys pretend not to notice (it doesn't work because Artie is practically drooling). Kurt gets into an in depth debate about the merits of McQueen vs. Von Furstenberg with Mercedes, while Mike tries to flirt with Tina and Mr. Schue just stares at his closed wallet sadly and Kurt knows that he's thinking about that picture.

However, the plane ride actually goes by relative quickly and before they know it they've landed. Once they get out of the plane, they all finally get to see what that facility they've been living in for the past few months actually looks like. Kurt's almost bemused to realize that they're actually looking at a mountain, because Kurt kind of always thought that secret government facilities under a mountain were something that happened only in comics, but there it is, an actual mountain. Puck does let out a snort of laughter when Mr. Schue leads them to the elevator that is hidden in a cave (Kurt feels like an escapee from Independence Day), but they all pile into the elevator and ride down what must be almost 30 floors to the facility.

Once they're back in the facility, Mr. Schue has them all gather in the sitting room in the area where the cells (it didn't matter that they were never locked, they were still cells) are, and then he congratulates them again on their success and announces that this will be their last night here because tomorrow their going to be relocated to a town the government has chosen as their home base and where they'll live with their families. Kurt thinks about asking where exactly that's going to be, but then he decides against it encase that would break some government rule and then they'd have to stay here longer, and so instead he simply relishes in the realization that he'll be able to see his father tomorrow.

Instead, a thought about a necessary aspect of all comic book superheroes comes to him and so, after Mr. Schue has finished speaking he asks, "Do we get to pick our own codenames for when we go out on missions?" Because as much as he is finally on board with actually doing missions, he doesn't want to have to do them under his own name or some lame codename.

Mr. Schue nods in affirmative and it's at that point that it occurs to Kurt that he's probably made a mistake by posing the question in front of Puck, as he takes this opportunity to announce to the room at large, "Dibs on Mohawk, because it is a name deserving of my badassness," before he turns around to face Kurt and continues, with a leer that is so dirty it should be illegal, "what do you think, Gay-Superman?"

"Bite me, HockeyPuck," he fires waspishly back, and he takes great satisfaction at the look that blooms on Puck's face and the room wide laughter that results.

However after the laughter dies down, the room explodes into frenzy as everyone tries to figure out their superhero handle (the coolness of the name is going to depend on which action figure gets played with most after all); however Kurt has to admit that he finds the whole process hilarious. Finn seems dead set on CatMan before Rachel and Kurt (in what he's sure will be their only moment of agreement) both shoot it down and Rachel suggests Morph, which Finn loves (after Rachel explains what it means). Rachel settles on Canary over Songbird (and Quinn's suggestion of Banshee; yeah, no one's bitter about that breakup), and Mike picks Stretch.

Artie's DJ Jazzy Wheels prompts room wide laughter until Tina, still hiccoughing after laughing so hard suggests that just Wheels might be better. Tina picks Mist and Santana decides on Blaze (after shooting down Quinn's suggestion of Bitch – Kurt thinks Quinn needs a hug-and Kurt's Satan-don't judge him) and Sam likes Osmosis (Oz for short). Mr. Schue, who has already stated that he's going to be a home base more than one of them going out on missions, picks Ghost anyways, because they might need to refer to him when they're out in the field. Mercedes picks Sense and Lauren decides on the simple (yet a bit unimaginative) Laser, while Quinn picks Marionette (no one is crazy enough to argue with her, and Kurt is pretty sure that Finn doesn't even know what it means anyways).

Kurt and Britney actually end up being the only two at the end without a name; Kurt because he refuses any gay related names and Britney because she has trouble remembering her own name, much less answering to another one. Kurt, after shooting down Puck's Gay-Superman, SuperGay-Man, Princess, Porcelain, and the Un-Ambiguously Gay Solo (he actually thinks that one is kind of funny) as well as Strength, Strongman and Mighty Mouse (he's fine boned not short!) finally settles on Mr. Schue's suggestion of Atlas (after explaining to Finn that it's in reference to the Greek God that holds the world up, not the book with the maps).

Santana suggests Rainbow for Britney, which even Britney likes but after a five minute stretch in which Britney asks to be reminded of her Superhero name eight times they all decide they're going to need something shorter. Eventually (and totally by accident) they settle on Boo, which is just the nickname that Kurt's been calling Britney for the last 2 months but after about twenty minutes of wanting to bang their heads against the wall they all decide that even though it has nothing to do with her powers, at least it's something she answers to and they'll take it.

Then Mr. Schue brings out the uniforms he wants them to wear, and things go off the rails very quickly, because the uniforms are made of yellow spandex.

Yellow. Spandex.

Someone please kill him now.

Although he's distracted by the fact that it feels like his eyes are burning, he manages to exclaim, his tone horrified, "Oh Gaga no! I appreciate your wisdom in all matters superhero, Mr. Schue but I'm gay and I wouldn't wear that!"

"What's wrong with it?" Mr. Schue asks, and a little bit of Kurt dies on the inside at how seriously befuddled he is at Kurt's outrage. Instead of listing the many, many faults of the outfit, he simply settles for saying, rather despairingly, "There are so many, many things." And then he sighs long-suffering before he demands, "Give it me. I have to do everything around here. Come fashion minions, we have to save our dignity."

At that, Quinn, Mercedes, Lauren, Tina, Santana, Britney and Rachel all stand up and make to follow him, and although Kurt appreciates the support, he has to object at Rachel. "No, Rachel." He says, and he at least tries (it still comes across as a bit bitchy but hey, it's the thought that counts right) to be as kind as he can be while still getting his point across. "While I value your role on this team, you wear sweaters with 3D fuzzy kittens on them. Sit."

He ignores Rachel's glare (Finn can comfort her) and instead finds one of the scientists and convinces (ok, so he has Lauren threaten him) into helping them; and together they find a way to keep the protective abilities of the uniform while making it look less like a cross between a porn suit and a banana. They hit pay dirt when they find a black, leather like material that's both more flexible than leather but also tougher than leather, and then all is left to do is create a design that manages to be both badass and 'we come in peace and don't want to hurt you,' and yet at the same time doesn't make them look like S&M escapees.

After some serious deliberation they manage to find a design that works; sleek and functional but not crotch hugging or breast emphasizing (no freaking rubber nipples), but still stylish enough that Kurt could wear it with pride. They also design a small black mask to cover the eye region around the face, because this is the real world and Kurt doesn't think Superman glasses are going to cut it (he doesn't care what anyone says, that was a stupid disguise). They show the finished product to the group and everyone seems to like it, even Mr. Schue (who's opinion Kurt takes with a grain of sand because of the vests that he wears and the freaking _yellow spandex_). Puck even deems it badass, which seems to be the highest honour that he can give (he doesn't even use one gay nickname in the statement; Kurt doesn't think it will last), and Finn calls it massively awesome, so Kurt decides it's a job well done.

And so then, on the night before they finally get to go back out into the world they're nothing to do but sit back, relax, and watch a Monty Python (the boys win in a vote against the girls-and Kurt's-suggestion of The Notebook) movie as a team.

Kurt, for the first time since he woke up floating, thinks that everything might turn out alright.

A/N: Oh my god, this thing is long! This started out as a vaguely cracky idea that I had and now it's a serious fic. Oh well. Chapter 3: Rules Concerning the Rescue of Hot Boys is coming up next, where we go to Lima, have our first superhero rescue and introduce the world to the new band of superheroes and of course meet Blaine. As always, reviews and constructive criticism are welcome.


	4. Chapter 3: Rules and Hot Boys

Chapter 3: Rules Concerning the Rescue of Hot Boys

Disclaimer: Still not mine. I don't own Glee; I'm only borrowing its characters for entertainment purposes and promise to return them in (mostly) pristine condition.

**GLEEKGLEEKGLEEKGLEEKGLEEK**

_Edna: This is a hobo suit, darling. You can't be seen in this. I won't allow it. Fifteen years ago, maybe, but now? Feh!_

_Bob: Wait, what do you mean? *You* designed it. _

_Edna: I never look back, darling! It distracts from the now._

Edna and Bob: The Incredibles

**GLEEKGLEEKGLEEKGLEEKGLEEK**

Lima is Hell.

With cows.

Hell with cows.

Kurt wants to kill himself; slowly.

See the thing that Kurt clearly forgot to ask was _where_ the freaking home base for the team was going to be. Because if he had, them he clearly wouldn't have felt so serene about this whole freaking thing, as he would have been too busy screaming in terror, because with all the resources of the United States Government possesses, Lima, Ohio was apparently the best option.

_Lima. Ohio._

Someone please kill him. Please!

And perhaps, if he had thought to ask, he might have been a bit better prepared for this, but instead he'd buried his questions in favour of the pleasure of seeing his father after 2 months without him. But the problem was he hadn't, and so after he'd seen his father; given him a big, strength appropriate hug and caught him up on everything that had happened, and marvelled at the new, high tech Hummel Tire and Lube that the government had created for him, he'd then had nothing to do but explore the town that the government had decided was going to serve as their home base. And it was there that he'd run into problems.

See, the great thing about being gay in San Fran meant that, although you maybe weren't the visible majority, you were undeniably the large, visible minority. And in San Fran, being gay was celebrated by most of the straight inhabitants; they saw it so often that the either thought it was cute or they didn't think anything of it. No matter how flamboyant you might have been, there was always someone equally as flamboyant for you to stand with, and so you were never alone.

Lima, on the other hand, didn't look like it had ever seen a gay inhabitant in its entire existence. He got looked at funny at the coffee shop, he got stared at in the bookstore, and he got snickered at by two football players at the park. And in exploring the town, Kurt comes to a few rather stark realizations. This is a place people go to church every Sunday without fail. This is a place where teenagers marry their high school sweethearts and have 2.2 kids and a white picket fence. This is a place where they only eat vegetables that are fried.

This is not a good place for people like him.

And so consequently, a few days later on the first day of school, Kurt has a bad feeling in his stomach. And it's not just the typical first day of school jitters, because those he could handle, but it's the sick, impossible knowledge in his gut that the only way that he's going to fit into this town is to be someone he isn't. And he's already lost too much of himself with this whole superhero thing that he refuses to give up any more, and so he shows up in the hallways of McKinley High in a Marc Jacobs form fitting sweater, tight, skinny jeans and his best Louis Vuitton satchel, and for a few periods everything goes well.

He has History with Mercedes and Tina and English with Artie and Mike, and everything is fine; relatively boring, because they're all pretending that they've never met each other before, but boring is fine. Then, of course, because he's got a relatively good sense of intuition everything changes after English, when he's heading to his locker before lunch. One second he's chatting with Mercedes about how they've got 'Glee Club' last period, and the next second there's an ice cold shock to his face and cruel, jeering laughter rings out.

"Hey fairy boy, welcome to McKinley." One massive jock leers, and then laughs and high fives with one of his Neanderthal friends and lumbers off, leaving him covered in slushy and shivering.

Invulnerability, as it turns out, is a funny thing. Bullets; no problem, you walk away with a bruise. Fire, no problem, doesn't even cause a twinge.

A frozen grape slushy, not so much.

It freezes his skin and the concentrated sugar burns his eyes, and of course, the dye ruins his hairstyle, and his jeans are never going to be the same. But at the core of it, the horrible part of it isn't even the physical feeling that the slushy induces, rather the debilitating feeling if humiliation it induces. It's like a massive scarlet letter, a giant flashing sign that proclaims that in this fucking town he's less them, and he hates it.

Mercedes makes a noise of outrage, and Kurt manages to shake himself out of his slushy induced shock in time to stop Mercedes from using her powers to make the guy cry in the halls or something. "It's not worth it," he says quietly, and then he closes him mouth quickly because grape slushy is not his favourite drink. Mercedes scowls her disagreement, but turns her attention away from the guy and to him, which Kurt takes as a good sign.

"Is there any place I can wash this out of my hair before it gels and I start trying to rock Mr. Schue's look?" Kurt asks to make sure that nothing happens that might sink them before they even start, and also because he's genuinely worried about having to try and pull off Mr. Schue's look (and he'd thought the bullets were bad for his skin).

As his luck has it, of all the people who could have come around the corner and hear him, it has to be Rachel. However, even before he has time to gear up and say some biting to her, he realizes that it's going to be unnecessary because all Rachel does is make an angry noise on his behalf and take him arm and gently, but forcefully lead him and Mercedes into the women's restroom. From the depths of her, (rather tacky; he appreciates the thought but it has kittens on it) purse she pulls out a box of antibacterial wipes and a small bottle of some kind of cleaner, and then she gives a couple to Mercedes and they both start to wipe the infernal slushy off of him silently. He wants desperately to hate the look that is in Rachel's eyes, but once his eyes are a little clearer, he realizes that it isn't pity like he thought, but understanding, and something crystalizes for him. He doesn't really like Rachel; they're similar enough that they clash horribly, but different enough that they don't have any common ground, but before he didn't know her as the girl who carried her own slushy clean-up kit then and now he does, and so he thinks that maybe someday that could change.

"You should always keep a change of clothes in your locker," Rachel says quietly after a minute, her tone resigned and Mercedes makes a noise of protest in her throat before she asks, her voice angry, "You mean this happens all the time? And that's ok in this school?"

Rachel shrugs, a tiny movement that seems terribly sad, before she says, "That's just the way the jocks are. It's just because we're just too special for this little town; they don't like that and they strike out."

"It still isn't right," Mercedes says angrily and although Kurt agrees (and Gaga does he, because he wants to go home to San Fran so badly he can taste it), he also realizes that this conversation isn't going to go anywhere productive, and so because Rachel and Mercedes have gotten most of the slushy off of him by that point he turns to Mercedes and brushes his thumb across her cheek in a soothing motion before he says, "Forget it 'Cedes; if we're going to fly under the radar we're going to have to ignore this kind of stuff."

And then, because he desperately wants this conversation to end he changes the subject by saying, "We're going to be late for 'Glee practise' if we don't go now." In response, Mercedes scowls in a gesture that implies that this is not going to be the end of this, but she acquiesces

Kurt runs to his locker and grabs a clean sweater (he doesn't go anywhere with only one set of clothes; one never knows when you might see someone wearing the same outfit) and he manages to make it to 'Glee' before anyone other than Mr. Schue is there. And although he totally meant what he said to Mercedes about dropping it, when he sees Mr. Schue looking at him, while also shuffling papers like someone has told him this is what teachers do, he can't help but ask, he voice less level than he might have hoped,

"Why exactly do we have to live in this town? We couldn't have put a home base somewhere with more…open minded people?" And then, because this just unsettles him, "And less cows?"

At his question Mr. Schue stops shuffling his papers and says, his voice calm and rational, "Well, almost half of the team already lived her, so registering six new kids for school was less suspicious than registering thirteen would have been. Also, if the United States does ever undergo another terrorist attack, we figured Ohio is the least likely place to be selected as a target." And then Mr. Schue smirks a bit as he says, "And besides, this location helps us protect your identities; who would really think that a team of superhero's lived in Ohio?"

"Awesome," Kurt enthuses sarcastically, and his dissatisfaction must be very clear because Mr. Schue, who isn't the most sensitive person in the world (it's not his fault really, his just suffering from severe "mansickness") picks up on it as he turns back to Kurt and says, apologetically, "I know this might be…tougher for you than the others, but I have faith in you Kurt. You're strong and that will get you through this. That's what makes you good at this."

Kurt is willing to admit that he might be blushing a bit at the support that Mr. Schue is giving him, because other than his father he's never really had an older male role model that was willing to believe in him. And it's that his father's support isn't huge, because it is, but his father his support is expected (but no less precious for it) and Mr. Schue's isn't, and so somehow Mr. Schue's is just what he needs. However, because they're both men (he's still got a Y chromosome, no matter what some people might think) after about a second they brush the sentimentality away as if it's a disease, and they both look away.

Thankfully, they are saved from further emotion by the arrival of about half of the gang who, in typical teenage fashion, enter the room like a herd of elephants. Kurt takes that opportunity to wash away and of the lingering emotion of the day, and after a slightly grateful look in Mr. Schue's direction, he takes a seat beside Mercedes, angling his eyebrow at her in acknowledgement of the assessing look she gives him.

"Hey guys. I hope everyone's day went well so far." And then Mr. Schue pauses for conformation, and because Kurt doesn't want to bring down the mood he nods with the rest of the group (and ignores the pointed look that Mercedes gives him).

After Mr. Schue has received their affirmation he closes the door and says, "So as you guys have already probably figured, 'Glee club' is code for our 'special project'" and Kurt actually dies a little inside when he see that Mr. Schue is actually doing the air quotes motion.

However before Kurt can even do so much as roll his eyes Puck cuts in with, "Why Glee Club," his tone a bit belligerent and he continues before Mr. Schue can speak. "This is going to ruin my badass rep!"

"We needed a club no one would want to join," Mr. Schue says apologetically in response and yeah, ok Kurt can see how Glee club would be the logical choice in this town. Puck is clearly still a bit unsatisfied with that answer but he seems to accept it as he doesn't say anymore (although he does sulk a bit in a way that Kurt thinks will also damage his 'badass' rep).

Mr. Schue, after checking to see if there are any other questions, turns his head and nods towards the piano and for the first time Kurt notices that there has actually been a guy sitting there the whole time (and seriously, was there a government ninja class they missed or something?). "This is Brad," Mr. Schue says and the guy just stares placidly and a bit surly back at them. "He's in charge of opening the headquarters, so if you ever need to get in just ask him."

Brad (and Kurt kind of hopes that is a cover name but he has a sinking feeling that it isn't) obviously knows that was some kind of cue, as he lays his hands on the piano. But instead of playing, there is a whirling sound as a light scans his hands and then suddenly a door in the floor opens up in the far corner behind the piano. At that Brad is pretty much forgotten as Mr. Schue disappears down into the hole and they follow him, one by one, walking through the tunnel that leads to what Kurt assumes is the superhero base.

After a the door closes back up to the music room the silence is broken by Puck, who echoes what Kurt is pretty sure is evident in everyone's minds, disbelief evident in his voice. "Wait, you guys actually built a secret superhero hideout under the choir room of an Ohio public high school?"

Mr. Schue turns to look at Puck before he says, a bit ruefully, "We figured no one was going to look for it there."

Kurt can't help but agree with that logic.

Once they actually get into the room Kurt can't help but be a bit impressed because the room is seriously decked out. There are computer monitors everywhere streaming worldwide live news, and security video; classy areas for each of them to change and prep for missions and a seriously high tech station for Artie and Mr. Schue and monitor and direct their missions. And, to Kurt's surprise (because he remembers those yellow spandex uniforms) it's even well decorated; rocking sort of a chrome and black modern look that Kurt can definitely get behind.

Artie clearly agrees as he wheels towards his station and says, loudly to the whole room, "This is seriously dope Mr. Schue!"

Mr. Schue smiles, but before he can say anything one of the screens lights up and a warning siren goes off, which draws his attention towards that. Artie dives into his new role with gusto as he bring the small screen up onto the large one with a touch of a button (Kurt's impressed; there is like nine thousand buttons on that console).

"A gasoline tanker collided with a tractor trailer on Interstate 75. Fire and ambulances are on the scene but they're worried about the danger of an explosion. Sounds like a good job for us." Artie says, and Mr. Schue nods at him before he turns to the rest of them and announces, "Alright guys, to make sure that everyone actually has time to go to class we're going to have you work shifts of 2 or 3 people on your free periods, with all teams available during 'Glee.'"

And this time Kurt does roll his eyes before Mr. Schue continues, "Kurt and Brittany, I want you two to suit up for this one. Follow the directions that will be provided for you in your suits GPS and once you're there aid the paramedics and fire department in any way and try to contain the gas from the tanker. Alright?"

Kurt nods his agreement and notices Brittany doing the same before he heads toward the area that is labelled _Atlas_, in tastefully bland government script. He draws the curtain and suits up, the process easier than he would have imagined (he has to get his hands on some of this false leather stuff because Gaga it is comfortable). The mask goes on easy to and says on, even without straps and Kurt takes a second to stare at the stranger in the mirror (because there is no way that this is his life) before he snaps out of it, gathers his courage and emerges with pride from behind the curtain.

The response thankfully is pretty favorable however; Finn gives him a thumbs up, Mercedes winks at him and Puck wolf whistles mockingly (Kurt gives him the finger without any real intent because he's Puck and this is just what they do). Brittany emerges a second later, and after a similar round of compliments for her, Mr. Schue leads them down another long corridor to a hatch door that opens into the ceiling.

"Remember 'The Rules'" Mr. Schue says to them as the hatch doors start to open, and Kurt nods because after all of the times they pounded the rules into them at the mountain facility he's unlikely to forget.

However that's not to say that Kurt doesn't think they are valid, because Kurt most definitely understands the importance of some of the rules; don't ever say anything that could reveal your identity or the identity of a team mate. Don't talk about anything personal, and don't insult any of the people that you rescue. These are basic common sense that a monkey could figure out. Then of course, there are the sexual rules like, 'no hitting on anyone you are rescuing,' and 'no sexually charged comments because this is the age of the massive lawsuits and the government is not that tolerant - I mean it Puck.'

But Kurt's not worried about those because he figures he's got decent self-control and a brain that's bigger than Finn's (Gaga love him) and a libido more selective than Puck's (who's requirements include breathing and not much else). So Kurt says, "We've got it Mr. Schue," and Mr. Schue nods and says, "You'll be great," and then there is nothing to do but, after meeting Brittany's eyes, fly out of the hatch and into the sky.

Kurt takes a second to look at where they have come out, and he finds that it's a wooded area on the very edges of the school property, and that the high trees completely hide where they've come from. The hatch closes immediately behind them and Kurt, after consulting with the wrist GPS that is built into the suit nods to Britney the right direction and then flies, relishing in the freedom of it. It takes them a few minutes to actually reach the scene and once they do Kurt takes a quick look to assess the situation before he turns to Brittany and nods, and they head for the ground.

The guys who he sets down beside look pretty gobsmacked (Kurt can relate) but they had training on how to handle this too and so Kurt turns to the guy who seems to be in charge and says in his best 'I am but a harmless government superhero voice,' "I'm Atlas and this is Boo. I'm very strong and she can put out fires. Where can we help?"

The guy's (Kurt's pretty sure he's a fire chief) throat works once, twice before any sound can come out, and Kurt can almost see the wheels in his head turn as he tries goes through every possible explanation for the fact that they just flew. Kurt gives him time (he gets it, really, because there's still a part of him that's waiting for the punch line) before finally he guy comes to a decision as he says, "I don't know what the hell this is, but if you really can help I won't say no. There's a fire on the other side of the truck and there's still one kid trapped in his car. Can you handle that?"

Kurt nods and Britney follows suit before she takes off once again and flies over the truck to deal with the fire. Kurt instead follows the directions of the (still pretty shell shocked) firefighter and heads in the direction of the car with the door smashed in. It's pretty close to the tanker that's leaking fuel like no tomorrow and so Kurt moves with care, making sure he doesn't disturb anything that would cause an explosion. Once he gets to the car Kurt takes a quick analysis of the situation and then, once he's got a plan readies himself for (knock on wood) his very first rescue as a superhero.

'Remember the rules,' Kurt recalls mockingly, and then he smirks a bit and thinks sardonically, 'no problem Mr. Schue; I've got it covered.'

And then he looks into the car and sees what is possibly the most gorgeous boy that he's ever laid his eyes on, and he realizes this is going to be much harder than he thought.

**GLEEKGLEEKGLEEKGLEEKGLEEK**

These are things that he knows to be true.

His name is Blaine Anderson. He is seventeen. He is a student at the Dalton Academy for Young Men. He is the lead singer of the Warbler's. He is gay.

He is going to die today.

He's going to die a virgin.

A gay virgin.

His life sucks.

And to think, the day started out so well. He had gotten an A on a killer history test, Wes had let him sing a Katy Perry song without ribbing him too hard (although he had stroked his gavel kind of creepily), and so by the time he had gotten into the car to go home for his father's birthday party he been in a really good mood. His father and he had had their rough patches, because Jonathan Anderson had wanted sons that were interested in law school and girls instead of show choir and you know, boys. But when he'd been harassed at his school, his father had been the loudest voice defending him, and before he'd transferred to Dalton he and his father had had a heart to heart where they ironed out a few things and so everything between him and his father was really good now, and he was really looking forward to the party.

And the drive had been really nice as well; it was one of those days were the breeze was perfect, the sun was shining and there were puffy white clouds in the sky. All in all, it had been a perfect day.

And then, because irony was a massive bitch, when he'd been about an hour away from his house, everything had changed. One second he's simply been driving along singing to Katy Perry, and then the next second there was a huge screech and a massive truck was suddenly in front of him and then Blaine swung the wheel and then there was nothing but blackness.

When he came to, he was aware of many things, but one thing stood out above all the others. It was glaringly obvious that the car had flipped over, because he was hanging suspended upside, only held there by the seatbelt. He didn't seem to be in any pain though; he could move his legs and arms and he took advantage of it, releasing himself from the seatbelt and allowing himself to tumble down so that he was at least sitting upright. After a swift check of his own body just to ascertain that he wasn't bleeding anywhere, he looked around to try and figure out what had happened.

There was a moment of total shock as he looked out, because what he was seeing looked like something out of a disaster movie. There was broken window glass everywhere, huge fist size diamonds of glass reflecting the light innocently, in direct contrast to the smoke and flames that seemed to be emanating from several cars. In the corner of his eye, he could see a massive tanker truck, flipped over on its side, and police and fire truck sirens screamed through the air.

He was brought back to himself by a voice, deep, older and male that asks, from somewhere above him. "Son, are you injured?"

"I don't think so," he replies after a second, and at that a pair of heavy boots appears in his vision, and so he imagines that the guy is probably a firefighter. After a second, where Blaine imagines that he's taking in the situation to assess what's needed to get him the hell out of here, the guy says, "Alright, that's good. Your doors are bent shut. I'm going to get the jaws of life out to pry the door open, so you'll be out of there soon. I'll be back in just a minute, alright son?"

"Ok." Blaine replies, and the guy's feet shuffle off in response and Blaine is left alone. However that doesn't last long, as almost immediately there's a new voice, vaguely bell like, that asks, "You said you weren't injured in any way?"

At that, Blaine cranes his head a bit to try and see who this person is, because that voice definitely didn't belong to the first guy, but all he can see is black leather boots. They seem harmless enough though, and Blaine figures that if this guy is allowed this close to the wreck he probably has a job to do so he answers, "I don't think so. It's just the doors, the other guy says they're bent shut and so I can't get out."

"Alright." The voice says after a second, and then after a pause where Blaine imagines the guy is assessing the door it continues, "I'm going to remove the door, so if you could just try to stay away from it that would be good. After that I'm going to help you out. Is that alright?"

"Yeah, sure." Blaine says quickly, and then because he's still a little confused at what going on and who this guy (with the really great voice he might add) is, he can't help but quip, "Are you hiding the jaws of life somewhere I can't see?"

"Sort of," the voice says, almost dryly ironic, and before Blaine has a second to process why he's distracted by the sound of screeching metal as the door is simply pulled off of the car and then laid on the ground, like it's made of paper.

"Holy hell, how did you do that?" Blaine asks before he can help himself, because he may be suffering from shock but he isn't blind and they're were absolutely no jaws of life involved in that, and people can't just pull car doors off!

The voice gets even dryer, and Blaine's manly enough to admit that it actually makes the guy sound more attractive (he is aware that with his luck the guy is probably 55 and really ugly but he almost died so he can dream) as he says, "We're still trying to figure that out actually." Then his voice gets a bit more professional as he asks, "Ok, is there anything holding you down now; the seat belt?"

"No, I'm free." He answers back to the still unseen voice, and after a second the guy responds, his voice a tinged with a tiny bit of humour, "Alright I'm going to help you out now, so please don't sue me for any kind of harassment."

Blaine can't help but smirk a bit at that, because he, like his mysterious rescuer, also understands the humour and the irony in the necessity of having to ask someone you're saving if they want to be saved. However because he'd very much like to get out of this car sometime soon (and it's not because he's curious about what his good Samaritan looks like; not entirely) he replies, his voice as humorous as the guys, "If you get me out of this car alive, I promise I won't sue you for anything." And then he pauses, before he adds, as an afterthought, "I guess I can't sue you if I'm dead either, so really it's a win-win for you."

The guy laughs in response, and the sound hits Blaine unexpectedly in the gut like a punch, and so he almost doesn't hear the guy when he says, "Alright, so here we…fuck!"

Blaine barely has a second to process what's happening, because one second he's in the car and then the guy swears and there's a tug on his arms as he is lifted from the car. And then it gets really confusing, because there's a scream of an explosion and an almost overwhelming wave of heat that Blaine is pretty sure is the gas tanker exploding and Blaine is expecting to you know, _die_, but instead there is a rush of air and it feels like they have lifted off of the ground, and that isn't possible.

Once Blaine's brain has caught up to that particular point, he chances moving his head from where it is currently resting (in the crook of the guys neck-likely to protect his eyes, but it also had the added bonus of getting him in contact with what was a really nice, soft neck) to look at where he was, and once he did he could help but let out an impassioned, "Holy fuck!"

"If you're afraid of heights, looking down might be a bad idea." The guy says to him dryly, almost straight into his ear and Blaine is too shocked to even take that in because oh my god they're in the fucking air! And not only are they in the air, but they're really high in the air, above the raging flames of the tanker that are being put out by what looks like a blonde girl with rainbows (what the hell?), but that's pushed aside in favour of the fact that they're maybe 50 feet in the air and although Blaine is perfectly aware of how inane this is, he can't help but announce loudly, "We're flying!"

"Yes, well strictly speaking I'm flying and you're a passenger but I digress." The guy says, his voice still dry, and at that Blaine manages to tear his eyes away from the ground (which is still a disturbing distance away) for a second to finally look at the guy and then he's suddenly not so interested in the ground anymore because holy crap this is most assuredly not a 55 year old ugly guy. Instead, he's probably Blaine's age or a little older with ivory skin and chestnut hair, somehow still well styled despite the wind. He can't see anything more than that really; the mask that he's wearing covers most of his upper face, but he can see his eyes and they're luminous; almost colorless and Blaine decides that he could easily get lost in them.

Blaine is perfectly happy to simply stare at the frankly gorgeous boy (mask non-withstanding, this guy has serious potential and also he just saved him and he's really warm and yeah Blaine needs to stop thinking _right now_), but he's attention is caught as a female voice chirps out from the guy's shoulder (and since they're _flying_ this is worth noting), "I got the fire! I blew it out with my rainbows."

Blaine manages to pull his gaze away from his rescuer to look at the blond, who he vaguely recognizes as the girl he saw below (look, the guy is really hot and they're still _flying_ so cut him some slack). She's got a mask on like his new hero and so he can't really see her face, but she seems fit (and if his rescuer is wearing the same leather outfit as she is than this is going to get very embarrassing very quickly). The girl spares him a glance before she turns to the guy still holding him and asks, her voice airy and disturbingly earnest, "Do I get my own short boy to hold?"

"I'm not that short!" Blaine announces loudly in protest and then he blushes a bit when he realizes how vehement that actually was. The blonde girl looks at him with something approaching doubt, but the guy who is holding him merely smiles, exasperated but a bit wicked before he turns to the blonde and says, "Maybe next time, Boo." And then, he whispers into Blaine's ear and he actually has to physically restrain himself from shivering because this is _desperately_ unfair, "She doesn't mean anything by it. You're a great height."

Blaine blushes possible even further, and he must be a shade of red that is glaringly obvious, but the guy just smiles at him, that cute little quirk of his lips and doesn't say anything. Instead he simply turns his head back towards the blond girl and says a bit louder, "Now Boo, can you go see if there is anyone who needs help while I take…" And then he pauses for a second and turns back to Blaine and says, his voice apologetic, "I'm sorry, I didn't ask your name."

"Blaine. Blaine Anderson." And then, because no matter how amazingly unreal this whole thing is, it is no excuse to forget his manners, "And you?"

"You can call me Atlas." The guys-Atlas-says and Blaine admits, only in the privacy of his own mind, that asking a man with a mask what his name was might have been a dumb idea, before Atlas continues, "Boo, go see if you can help anyone while I take Blaine to the ambulance on the ground."

And then he continues, almost as an afterthought, "And Boo, please try not to say anything that gives away your identity. Actually Boo, just try not to speak at all, ok?" Which Blaine thinks might be a bit harsh for a second before he remembers the disturbing amount of sincerity involved in the height comment and so he decides to reserve judgement. The girl just beams in response though, like she's been paid a great compliment and says, her voice perky, "Ok!" Before she flies off, and so Blaine thinks that the guy's concerns might have been justified.

"Your…girlfriend seems nice," Blaine says hesitantly, after she's been gone for a second and he knows that he's fishing for information but this guy is gorgeous and he's strong and he can _fly_, and he just saved his life in the most awesome of ways and yeah, Blaine might have developed a tiny (ok relatively massive; he can freaking _fly_) crush.

"She is nice," Atlas says blandly, and the part of Blaine that apparently enjoys masochism responds before the rest of him can catch up by asking, "And she's your girlfriend?"

"That," Atlas says almost coyly, and his mouth twists into this smile-smirk that Blaine has the sudden urge to lick before he makes himself listen to what he's actually saying, "Is none of your business."

There's a moment of silence then, where Atlas just looks at him and Blaine is helpless to do anything but look back, and then, just before Blaine does something like melt into a puddle or ask him out Atlas says a bit gently, "We're back on the ground."

At that Blaine manages to tear his eyes away from him and then he turns what he's sure is an unattractive shade of red as he realizes that he'd been so caught up in the guy that he hadn't even noticed that they were no longer in the air. However his humiliation is quickly forgotten as he takes in the scene that they've landed in; there are people everywhere just staring at them, open mouthed and almost everyone has a camera phone out and are taking photos and videos of them, and it's in that moment that Blaine realizes (admittedly a bit belatedly) that he's just been rescued by a _superhero_; that there are superheroes in the world now.

And it's not that there are superheroes (which is big enough), but there are superheroes in the world and that one just rescued _him_.

He's Lois Lane with a penis.

_Awesome._

However, his minor freak out is interrupted by Atlas's voice, which almost echoes in the absolute silence of the people watching them with bated breath. He directs it at Boo, who has flown back and is floating a few feet off the ground beside them. "Wheels called on the brainphone," and at this he rolls his eyes slightly, at just the right angle for only Blaine to see, before he continues, "he wants us to go to Key West Florida; there's a massive fire in an office building off the Overseas Highway that he wants us to take care of. Is everything under control here?"

The blonde smiles hugely at him before she chirps cheerfully, "Yep! Everything's good!" And then she flies upward with a massive burst of speed and yells back at Atlas, "Race you!"

Blaine turns back to look at Atlas, who is smirking a bit at her. He lifts off the ground himself, but stays within a few feet of the ground as he yells loudly at her, "Boo Florida is in the south! You're going north; turn around!"

He then turns back to Blaine and says, his voice dryly humorous, that edible smirk on his face, "I've got to go before she ends up at the North Pole." And then his voice gets (what Blaine hopes is) more sincere as he says, and his mouth curls into a genuine smile, "It was nice to meet you, Blaine Anderson."

And then he shoots up into the sky before Blaine can reply, and Blaine is pretty much blind and deaf to the mob behind him taking furious photos and whispering because all Blaine can do is just watch him fly away, and think, almost helplessly, 'It's a whole new world.'

The rest of the day is nothing more than a blur. He has a vague remembrance of waiting in the ambulance for his parents, a faint memory of them coming to pick him up, a flash of his mother's perfume and his father's choked voice, the silence of the car ride home. But it's a surprise when he finds himself at home, sitting in his living room with his mother one side and his father on the other, watching the news. He doesn't really come back to himself until he looks at the television and sees black leather uniforms, and at that his attention sharpens pretty damn quickly.

There are 13 of them, standing beside the_ President of the United States_, talking about how they are there to serve not just the interests of America but the whole world; to protect the citizens of the world, but he has eyes for no one but the boy in the front with the chestnut hair and the tiny smirk on his face. And he can't even think of the implications of a world with superheroes in it, because all he can remember is flying, the warmth of arms around him and clear eyes that he wants to drown in.

These are the things he knows to be true now.

His name is Blaine Anderson. He is seventeen. He is a student at the Dalton Academy for Young Men. He is the lead singer of the Warbler's. He is gay.

He was going to die today, but he was rescued by a gorgeous flying superhero.

He has a massive crush on said superhero, who may or may not have an equally good looking blond superhero girlfriend.

It's a whole new world.

Yeah, Blaine's totally screwed.

**GLEEKGLEEKGLEEKGLEEKGLEEK**

A/N: So this story isn't dead! I promise I do have plans to finish this exercise in insanity; I even have a plot with villains all planned out! And yes Sue will be in this, for all of you who asked. However updates will be pretty much nonexistent until May-June because I just can't rationalize working on this instead of my thesis and exams. However for everyone willing to stick around there will be more to come I promise (The next chapter is tentatively titled as "Those Low Down Clark Kent Blues") and as always enjoy, and reviews and constructive criticism are always welcome!


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